Feb

Baconnaise: a Poem Inspired by Alfred Lord Tennyson and Bacon Flavored Mayo

I found this product thanks to my buddy Cole, who is a warehouse of useless (up till now) information. Baconnaise is pretty much bacon flavored mayonaisse. These were already two of my major food groups, so it was an excellent opportunity for batching and greater efficiency of consumption activities. I was so inspired by the Baconnaise product that I tried to envision how the origins of Baconnaise could have unfurled.

The way I envisioned it, twas was an epic battle, perhaps like the Battle of Thermopylae – but ’86 the Spartans sub bacon and mayo. I believe that if Alfred Lord Tennyson would have been around today, he may have been inspired to do a modern day reinterpretation of his classic, “The Charge of the Light Brigade”. In my mind, he would be all caustic and self righteous like Dr. Dre in “Forgot about Dre”. In the absence of the AFT I am standing in his stead with this…..Baconnaise 2010:

“Forward the Light Mayonnaise!”
Was there any mayo dismay’d?
Not the bacon knew
Someone had blunder’d:
Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs but to do and die:
Into the Valley of Hidden
Rode the six hundred.

Bacon to the right of them
Mayo to the left of them
Emulsified and Blended;
Storm’d at with egg and vinegar
While mayo and bacon fell,
They that had fought so well
Came thro’ the jaws of Death
Back from the mouth of Hell,
All that was left of them

WAS BACONNAISE!!!!!

When can their glory fade?
O the wild charge they made,
All the world wondered.
Honor the charge they made,
Honor the Bacon Mayonnaise
Noble Baconaisse.