Back in the day, we used to be semi with it . . . we even retained documented photgraphic evidence in case we were ever questioned. See below after a festive jaunt up to Napa Wine Country.
After a Wine and Cheese party in 2005
This is what whine and cheese looks like at the Smith household:
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There was a movie a couple years back in which people where able to have a premonition of their deaths. I think I may have had that moment tonight, and the cause will be low density lipoproteins. The harbinger of this ominous day was one Jess Goodale of Unc’s Cheesecakes. Tonight I picked up my first dose. I feel like they should make PSA’s or after school specials warning people about this stuff.
A little bit about Jess- if the A Team had been into cheesecakes instead of championing the causes of disenfranchised farmers being run off their land by oil tycoons…they would have been Jess. If you need cheesecake and you can find her maybe you can hire Jessica Goodale.
Jess is something of a legend at our Cigar Club, so much so that there is an ongoing investigation into the mysterious disappearance of half of her famous Bannana Cream Cheese cake. The cheesecaske was there the night before and sometime between midnight and the next morning it disappeared. The proposed culprit is now only known as “Donny Cheesecake”.
Russ Goodale and his daughter Jessica own and operated Unc’s Cheesecakes. Russ (Unc) created his famous cheesecakes during his many years in the restaurant business. Eventually, Russ and Jess decided to take this hobby and grow it into one of Iowa’s best kept secret (but not for long). Unc’s is now featured in some of Des Moines best restaurants with more being added every day. Some of Unc’s More interesting cheesecakes include the following:
1.) Peanut Butter Jelly Cheesecake- I know, I know, but you really have to try it. Jess swears that it is one of her best sellers.
Peanut Butter Jelly Cheesecake
2.) Mango Jalepeno Cheesecake- Soon to be featured at Copa Cavana down on Ingersoll (when it opens in July 2010)
3.) Blueberry Cheesecake and Rhubarb Cheesecakes
4.) The afore mentioned Bananna Cream Pie Cheesecake
5.) Pumpkin Pecan
Pumpkin Pecan Cheesecake
6.) And for all you traditionalists she also makes Plain NY Style, Turtle, White Chocolate Rasberry, etc.
Oh yeah, and just in case that wasn’t enough…Unc’s is apparently this summer’s version of the impromptu dance routine as what all the cool kids are doing for their weddings. Check out this craziness.
and
So, now you are most likely thoroughly jonesin’ for some cheesecake so drop them a line:
uncs_cheesecakes@yahoo.com or you can find them on Facebook under Unc’s Cheesecakes
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Tags: Best of Des Moines, Des Moines Best Secret, Des Moines Food Blog, Des Moines Food Blogger, Iowa Cheesecake, Jessica Goodale, Matthew Smith online, Places to Eat in Des Moines, Russ Goodale, Unc's Cheesecake
I was hanging out down at the Blues before Sunset tonight with the family when I happened upon a table right next to the Historical Building. Now, I knew these were my kind of people because they started out by offering me a beer. This means that in addition to their good taste in movies (more on that to come) they must also be clairvoyant. They proceeded to tell me about a festival coming up on Saturday, July 31st at AMF Lanes 3839 NE 14th Street. Turns out this festival is in honor of El Duderino himself…The Big Lebowski. Check them out at http://www.dude-a-rama.com/event.html
I came home so inspired by this convocation of Coen connoisseurs that I decided to come up with a list of ideas for future festivals based on other famous movie and TV icons. Without adieu I give you the list:
The Uncle Buck Pancake Breakfast
Concept: Held at a School Cafeteria it would be a giant pancake breakfast where all the pancakes would be flipped by shovels. Door prizes will be awarded to any cars that backfire upon arrival. Security will check for hatchets and powerdrills at the door, so leave them in the car. There will be a award given for best drunk clown.
The Strange (Home) Brew Festival
This one reminds me of my best friend Justin who is a remarkable home brewer. He came up with a line of beers called Capitalist Ales his company slogan was “Brewed in the true spirit of Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Hoppy-ness” Some of my favorite of his beer names were “The Right-Wing Nut Ale”, the “No Fed Red” (he is a bit of a conservative).
So, people would bring their best home brews serve them in Dog Dishes marked “Hoser” on the side. Jelly Donuts would be readily available and plenty of synthesizer piano music which would inevitably lead to fights in the parking lots
Alternative costume ideas include: Fleshy headed mutants from the forbidden zone, Ice Skating Storm Troopers, anything Elsinore.
The Blues Brothers night at Miss Kitty’s
Concept: Another Des Moines venue, Miss Kitty’s would be a great place to reinact the classic Blues Brother’s scene at the Country AND Western Bar.
Food: Buffet Style- only 3 items: 4 Fried Chickens, white toast, and Coke.
Music: Blues, Country and Western.
There you go I got the ball rolling what other ideas are out there? Leave a comment below.
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Tags: Big Lebowski Festival, des moines blogger, Floodplane, Jess Knight Metromix, Matthew Smith Matt Smith online blog, Mooseknuckle, Movie based festivals, shortsaledesmoines, Stephanie Jessen, The Strangers Des Moines, Thom Tuttle
The following is a video from my friend Brad Simmons at http://www.starhomeusa.com/ If you have ever wondered about owning and running a Mobile Home Park as a business here is a little day in the life. Brad is really great people and I love how he gets his sons involved in the process of learning about what it takes to make it in business. It ain’t sexy, but he sure makes it look fun.
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Airport massage chairs…why do I keep falling for them?
Without fail I veer into them like ships into the rocks lured by the sirens. Here is the problem, I have it in my mind that they will be like the chairs in the Sharper Image at the local mall. These chairs have more in common with a bidet loaded with Listerine. The problem is that they prey on me. It’s never on the flight to my destination that they get me…its always in the final airport terminal on the way back home. You know the one when you are all hopped up on Cinnabons and Aquafina.
It always plays out the same too…I see the chairs, they have the leather that looks like Aunt Vicki. You can tell by looking at them that there is probably some rear end suspension issues only Car X guy could fix. So, I walk up to the chair and I have to choose between the $1.00 for 3 min or the 5 for 15 min options. Now, here is the deal…I always choose the 15 min option and this is a mistake. Never and I repeat -never -choose the 15 min option. But, more on that later.
When you sit down in these chairs, there is the initial puff of air that rises like when the air escapes on the baby powder, except this ain’t babies backsides that the Iron Maiden of massage chairs has been harboring. Then it starts… now I don’t know how many of you have ridden a massage chair, but it is kind of like someone trying to find the place to stick the straw in a Caprisun pouch for 15 min. Now I am not a little dude, but the roller balls on these chairs literally push you out a good five to six inches into oncoming foot traffic. I feel like a Penecostal B-Boy poppin and lockin up the LAX corridors.
Right when you get about 8 and a half minutes into this massage, you start rethinking things. Now, I don’t know if is my upbringing or what, but I cannot bring myself to get up out or this chair before it stops automatically. I know its only about half way done, and it only cost $5.00 but its like cleaning your plate…my momma didn’t raise me to leave a running massage chair. About now I start thinking to myself of the guys with the “We fix $5.00 haircuts” signs, and how opening up a Chiropractic office across from these machines may be a good idea.
Now mind you, these chairs were designed (in my opinion) to accommodate all the disenfranchised and duly distraught Southwest Airlines fliers who have been forced to buy 2 tickets due to their rotundity. It was with them in mind that they built a forklifts, added some ball bearings to the pointy parts and wrapped it in Naugahyde and called it a massage chair. As God as my witness, when this woman (who blew by 3 bills years ago) sat down next to me she didn’t move whatsoever when the machine kicked on. She looked at me heaving back and forth like I was 21 and couldn’t hold my liquor.
Looking for a graceful exit, I spot the perfect getaway, walking towards me 20 pounds of sugar in a 5 pound sack. Black stretch pants and her floral nurses scrubs top, I think they confiscated her neck with her shampoo in security. “Maam”, I say “Why don’t you take a load off on me, I have a flight to catch and I have 6 min left on this wonderful massage chair”. Never again, never again…until next time.
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Tags: Airport massage chairs hurt like hell, Funny story anecdote humorous airport massage chairs travel story coin operated chair things to do in an airport, Matthew Smith Matt Smith blog
Tonight we had a common phenomenon in the Smith house hold…night squeakies. Pesky noises in the night that keep me jumping off my comfy couch and running up stairs to calm down a frightened kid.
Having already explained to the children on past occasions the nature of houses, subflooring and roofing ventilation, we decided to go a different route of explanation this evening …. Squeaky Bugs.
Kenyan: Daddy, I can’t sleep.
Me: Ah, I know what is going on…
Kenyan: What??
Me: Well sometimes in the summer when the circus comes to town they bring along with them these pesky little critters called Squeaky Bugs. What is a Squeaky Bug you may ask? Good question, well a Squeaky Bug is a round bug that comes in many colors and looks like a gumball. Except, that is has long fuzzy floppy antennae, and little tiny baby wings. When it flies around it sucks in its sides like an accordion and then lets all the air out. When it does that it makes a squeaky noise.
Kenyan: Dadddddyy!! (incredulous), this was a loud noise, much louder than a bug!
Me: Are you kidding me?!? Squeaky bugs are super loud…they grew up in a circus! They had clowns, tigers and elephants …don’t even get me started on the monkeys. If they were ever going to have someone listen to them, they had to squeak extra loud.
Kenyan: Really?
Me: Oh, yeah and sometimes on a quiet summer night if you listen very, very closely you can hear a squeaky bug…wait listen…what was that…A SQUEAKY BUG!
Give it a shot see if it works!
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Tags: BedTime Stories for Kids Magical Children Parenting Tips and Advice How to Tell a Good Night time story, creative parenting tips, Daddy Blogger, Matt Smit Matthew Smith blog, Squeaky Bugs, tips to help kids sleep at night
1.) “Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in one pretty and well preserved piece, but to skid across the line broadside, thoroughly used up, worn out, shouting GERONIMO!”
2.) “If you’re going to be crazy, you have to get paid for it or else you’re going to be locked up.”
3.) “You better take care of me Lord, if you don’t you’re gonna have me on your hands.”
4.) “In a closed society where everybody’s guilty, the only crime is getting caught. In a world of thieves, the only final sin is stupidity.”
5.) “Call on God, but row away from the rocks.”
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Tags: blog, Matthew Smith Matt Smith, My 5 Favorite Hunter S. Thompson Quotes
Judah: “Mommy, that is broken, we need to get Daddy to fix it!”
Kenyan: “Judah…Daddy is not a fixer, he is a payer.”
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Tags: Kids Say the Darndest Things, Life in these United States, Matt Smith Blog, Matthew Smith kids quotes
Ok, for all you parents out there…do you ever get bored reading the same Dora Goes to the Dentist book for the 50th time? Why not mix it up a bit? Here my method for coming up with fresh and not so new story lines by recycling movies from your child hood. Now this does get a little bit “Big Fish” here, so I hope you aren’t a sucker for historical accuracy in your tales. Think of this like mythology, where the message is more important that the veracity of the events. Here goes:
I.) The Intro
- All stories are better if they start out with a Star Wars type introduction. Example: Long, Long Ago I lived in a far away place called Indiana, and in this strange land were people called Hoosiers.
II.) The Characters
- Kids like to hear stories about when you were a little kid. They also like to hear stories about the adventures of “The Smith Kids”. So, mix it up. You will be substituting the main Character in the story line for you or them. Don’t forget to substitute relatives for tangential characters to keep continuity and suspension of disbelief.
III.) Plot
- This is where it is time to steal with abandon. They are kids, they don’t know any better, plus they haven’t seen any of the movies you grew up on, so they won’t call you on it until much, much later in life and by then you will get a good belly laugh.
- Movie Plots to pilfer for your consideration would include: “Honey, I Shrunk the Kids”, “Back to the Future”, “Raiders of the Lost Ark”, “Herbie”, “Flubber”, “Chitty, Chitty, Bang-Bang”, “E.T.” you get the drift.
IV.) Production Quality
- Don’t forget, what works in the movies for Drama and Suspense works doubly in a bunk bed. Make sure to use sound effects, and dramatic music…DUM DUM DUUUUUUUM!!
- Big hand gestures, whooshing noises and long dramatic pauses are always good.
V.) Advanced Tips and Strategies
- When you start to get really good, you can experiment with the mashup. This is when you start splicing elements of various stories to create the super story. Don’t try this right away, you don’t want to be the parent who wrote the “Waterworld” of night time stories.
Sample Story: (This is a Mashup of “Honey, I Shrunk the Kids” meets “Jack and the Beanstock”
A long, long time ago I lived in a far off land called Indiana with people they called Hoosiers. I lived in a big, white house by a lake. This house had all kinds of secret hiding places and holes that you could explore. One day I had climbed up into the attic and was looking around near an old chest that my dad had when I spied something off in the corner. It was dusty and covered with cobwebs, and when I dusted it off it was a jar, and in that jar was a letter.
The letter said, “These are the last 3 Magic Shrinking Beans left in existence. If you have found them, beware! Taking these beans will cause a dramatic reduction in your size.”
Well…I was an adventurous little fella, and I popped one of those beans in my mouth and you know what happened?????? (Dramatic pause…”What Daddy? What?)
Nothing. Nothing happened. “Phooey, I said I knew there was no such thing as a magic shrinking bean!”
The next morning when I woke up the strangest thing had happened. I was in the worlds biggest bed. It was the size of 20 football fields and there were pillows the size of a Tractor Trailer. It was then that I realized, I wasn’t in a big bed…it was me that had shrunk! I ran to the edge of the bed and looked over the edge, it looked like a cliff. How was I ever going to get down?
Just then the world’s biggest dog came running up the stairs, he must have been the size of a dinosaur. “Wait a second!” I said to myself, “That is my gigantic Dog, Nosey”. In a snap I jumped off the bed and landed on Nosey. It was like I had landed in a furry world with trees made of hair. Nosey took off running down the stairs, it was all I could do to hold on! I was riding like a cowboy on a bucking bronco.
Nosey ran to his water dish. Soon, he was lapping up water and making a mess. Water drops were flying all over the place it was like I was caught in a rainstorm. Before I knew it, Nosey decided to shake off all the water and I went flying. Splash!! I landed kerplop, right in Nosey’s water bowl, just like jumping off the high dive. Fortunately , there was a Cheerio floating around in there from my breakfast the day before and I grabbed on and swam the the edge.
I slid down the side of the bowl and noticed my brothers playing outside with their bubble gun. I had to figure out a way to get back up in that attic and read the rest of that letter! I ran through one of the holes in the screen door and jumped on to one the the bubbles floating by. Up, Up, Up I floated, I could see the window to the attic getting closer and closer. Soon, I floated right on through that window, and I used a tiny pencil in my pocket to pop that balloon and I fell to the floor. I picked myself up and ran over to that letter.
On the bottom of the letter in letters so tiny a normal person could not have been able to read were the following words:
“If you are reading this it is because you did not heed my warnings. To return back to normal size, you must say the following magic words 3 times. ‘Abracadabra, Abracadig, make me from small back into big’ “ So, that is what I did – 3 times as fast as I could – and **Poof** there was a puff of smoke and I was back to my big self again. I vowed to myself, to never eat any magic beans again, and I tucked that jar back in the corner where no one would find them.
But, somewhere…. in a big white house, in a land called Indiana, with people called Hoosiers, there is a big white house with all kinds of secret spaces; and in that house is a jar with 2 beans left in it. So, you kids if you ever find a jar like that, remember what I told you tonight and stay away, because those are SHRINKING BEANS!
So, there you have it, go get your Dr. Suess on!
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Tags: BedTime Stories for Kids Magical Children Parenting Tips and Advice How to Tell a Good Night time story, Creative Parenting, Daddy Blogger, Matthew Smith Matt Smith online blog
