At Andrew Jackson’s funeral, his pet parrot had to be removed from the church because it wouldn’t stop swearing.
Source: one of the greatest sites on the internet: http://www.badassoftheweek.com/jackson.html
Matthew’s Favorite Andrew Jackson Quote:
“You are a den of vipers and thieves. I intend to rout you out, and the eternal God, I will rout you out.”
Words to a delegation of bankers, 1832.
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Today…I am Mr. Mom. The life lessons are different when you stay at home all day. It’s a bit like Lord of the Flies up in here, I half expect to round the corner and see my son tied up to a chair with a pigs head on a pike. Fortunately, I have a half parrot daughter that keeps me out of trouble…”Mommy says….this and Mommy doesn’t let Judah…that” Its like parenting with the bumper up on a bowling alley.
So, both kids are sitting on the bar stools and both have glasses of apple juice placed in front of them. With my most stern voice I admonish my son: ” You only get one apple juice! So, once its gone its gone.” I felt a bit like Eminem singing in 8 mile. So these are the two approaches the kids took:
1.) Judah (my two year old)- he’s a real live fast, die young and leave a beautiful corpse type–woulda done great in the 60’s. He decides to chug that sonnumma gun like he’s John Belushi after a competetive cracker eating contest.
2.) My daughter Kenyan (who is 5) decides that discretion is the better part of valor, and treats that Welch’s like its a 1945 Mouton, trying to drag it out like the last five minutes at Disney World.
This is what I took away from the encounter– Life is short chug the good stuff.
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If I should ever die, God forbid, let this be my epitaph:
THE ONLY PROOF HE NEEDED
FOR THE EXISTENCE OF GOD
WAS MUSIC
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Tags: Kurt Vonnegut Apology
I found this product thanks to my buddy Cole, who is a warehouse of useless (up till now) information. Baconnaise is pretty much bacon flavored mayonaisse. These were already two of my major food groups, so it was an excellent opportunity for batching and greater efficiency of consumption activities. I was so inspired by the Baconnaise product that I tried to envision how the origins of Baconnaise could have unfurled.
The way I envisioned it, twas was an epic battle, perhaps like the Battle of Thermopylae – but ‘86 the Spartans sub bacon and mayo. I believe that if Alfred Lord Tennyson would have been around today, he may have been inspired to do a modern day reinterpretation of his classic, “The Charge of the Light Brigade”. In my mind, he would be all caustic and self righteous like Dr. Dre in “Forgot about Dre”. In the absence of the AFT I am standing in his stead with this…..Baconnaise 2010:
“Forward the Light Mayonnaise!”
Was there any mayo dismay’d?
Not the bacon knew
Someone had blunder’d:
Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs but to do and die:
Into the Valley of Hidden
Rode the six hundred.Bacon to the right of them
Mayo to the left of them
Emulsified and Blended;
Storm’d at with egg and vinegar
While mayo and bacon fell,
They that had fought so well
Came thro’ the jaws of Death
Back from the mouth of Hell,
All that was left of themWAS BACONNAISE!!!!!
When can their glory fade?
O the wild charge they made,
All the world wondered.
Honor the charge they made,
Honor the Bacon Mayonnaise
Noble Baconaisse.
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Maybe one of the most difficult aspects of human existence is maintaining vigilance. It is difficult to continue to strive, to spawn upstream to points unknown. Not only that, but the sedatives really feel good! The tuning out, the drinking, the sports….me likey. Unfortunately, it is an inauthentic existence – - it is the default setting. The other challenge is that the sedatives keep you from being pissed off, and it is that righteous indignation that will be the fuel cell for continued pursuits.
The following poem does about as good of a job as I have seen to capture the perils of losing oneself:
“Let not young souls be smothered out before
They do quaint deeds and fully flaunt their pride.
It is the world’s one crime its babes grow dull,
Its poor are ox-like, limp and leaden-eyed.
Not that they starve, but starve so dreamlessly,
Not that they sow, but that they seldom reap,
Not that they serve, but have no gods to serve,
Not that they die, but that they die like sheep.”
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Tags: The Leaden-Eyed By: Vachel Lindsay, Vachel Lindsay The Leaden-Eyed
I found this picture and it encapsulated an idea I have held for a long time:
Jim Jarmmusch quotes
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Looking for a way to sell more Real Estate?? You might want to consider using Google maps (no, really!) as your platform.
Here are some of the high points of what it can do:
1.) Provide your Buyers/Renters with a map of your properties with Virtual tours of each one.
2.) Multiple user access allows a team or office the ability to upload and edit the map.
3.) Easily incorporate the map/tours with existing blogs and websites
4.) Its FREE!!!
Take a look at the instructional video below and see how you can get started moving more real estate.
So now that you get the nuts and bolts of how to set up your map and virtual tours, here is how you get the word out about your cool new toy:
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Tags: How to Invest in Real Estate, Matthew Smith, Sell More Houses Google Maps Virtual Tours Embedded Video Real Estate Investing Basics
My Brother sent me this and it is way more fun than it probably should be, but the kids have made me replay it for about an hour now. Hope you like it and have a Happy Holidays and a Merry Christmas!
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Classic Direct Mail marketing letter
If you have ever done direct mailings, whether for real estate, fundraising efforts or even your kids girl scout troups you know what a pain writing out all those letters can be. The “Yellow Letter” campaign has been used for years to locate potential prospects. In real estate ,they are often mailed out to homeowners who may be interested in selling their homes. They generally have a better response rate because they are hand written and seem more personal.
Here is a tip that I came up with to speed up the campaign, and save you time and carpal tunnel.
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Tags: Buying Foreclosures, Create your own font, Direct Mail, Finding Buyers, fontcapture, How To, How to Create your own font, How to Invest in Real Estate, Matthew Smith, Matthew Smith Des Moines, Real Estate Investing, Real Estate Investing Basics, Real Estate Tips, Short Sale Des Moines, shortsaledesmoines, Surreal Estate Stories, surrealestatestories, Tips, Yellow Letter
Well, the chickens are coming home to roost. Last night, I had a glimpse of what I must have been like at 2 years old, and boy howdy! As a quick preface, my son decided that he wasn’t ready for bed, he later decided he wanted to sleep in his sister’s bed. I pulled out all the stops to tried to elict the desired response of peace and quiet. They included:
1.) Good Cop/Bad Cop
2.) The Soft Sell
3.) The hard Close
4.) The Take away (no hall light privileges, shutting the bedroom door)
5.) Bargaining
I considered blaring Nancy Sinatra over loud speakers like they had outside Manuel Noriega’s compound, but eventually resisted. After 3 hours of this, finally he went to sleep. I figured…nice!…score one for the parents. Later, I went up to bed and found the kid had opened up the door I had closed, turned on the hall lights I had shut off, and climbed into his sister’s bed that I had taken him out of and was fast asleep!
Now I am extremely ambivalent about this. He completely gave me the smallest middle finger ever by this behavior- which cannot abide. On the other hand….man, that makes me so proud. The kid will not take no for an answer! He knows what he wants and come hell or high water he is going to find a way to achieve his objective! Kinda get all choked up talking about it 
As I lay there in bed I thought to myself, “I bet this is what it is like at Taliban Movie Night. They are watching Rambo for the upteenth time thinking ‘Praise Allah, this infidel is one tough SOB! I cannot support his imperialst, Western ideals- but that guy can work an RPG like no other!’.”
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